its very hard for me to admit it but, i was bullied. all through grade school, private school, yeshiva, and high school. day in and day out i was in fights with guys, with girls, it seemed like everyone just fuckin hated me! i was called 'half-breed', spick, faggot, punk... you name it i heard it. then there were days that included "im gonna kick your ass after school". a personal favorite! i was so tired of it. there didn't seem to be an end of it in sight.
the day i thought about suicide i was 14, a freshman in high school. i was sitting in McCarren Park after classes, watchin people running the track. i'd been there for what seemed like hours when i remembered the day my gym class teacher brought us there for some out door exercise. the memories of being the fattest and slowest made me feel even worse. would anything change? if so, when?! i decided this was the day to check out.
while i was walking toward the intersection of Manhattan Avenue and Driggs Avenue, i was going to wait for the next truck to come by and, well, you know. while headed to the corner i ran into someone i knew from school. he was headed to the subway. he asked me where i was going... i lied and said "home". he said he was headed to GLYNY. i later learned it was short for "Gay & Lesbian Youth of New York", a social and support group for gay youth at the LGBT Community Center. my friend invited me to go but i wasn't interested. he was so fuckin insistent. i glanced over toward the corner which was further away than the subway station. i looked at my friend and said sure, i'll tag along. thank the GODS i did.
i found so many young people like me and from all over the city. it was crazy! in the chill room there was music playing, queens vogueing, laughter, art on the walls... i was blown away. what ended up happening? well, im still here! YAY! i became a founding member of the first ever LGBT youth theater troupe, performing all over the city and off broadway theaters, i auditioned and got a spot at one of new york's prestigious acting schools. i made life long friendships. said good-by to some friends stricken with AIDS. life changed. my world changed. I CHANGED!
i feel the pain so many are going through. i wish i could be there for all of them. but if you're reading this and you're being bullied, it DOES get better. whether you're gay or not, a geek or not, different or not... your future is not your now! and remember...
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!